June 18, 1982. Scotland. A beige coffee table groans with cans of Tennent’s Lager. Through the fug of cigarette smoke, a TV in the corner glows with visions of men in gold. They go by strange, exotic names like Eder, Falcao, Socrates and Zico. They are the best footballers in the world. And they are 1-0 down. To Scotland.
Six-year-old Pete Reid celebrates David Narey’s 18th-minute opener against Brazil at the 1982 Spain World Cup like he has just found Wonka’s golden ticket in his packed lunchbox. Pete’s dad, Alastair (Big Al, to his friends), stares at his son, thunder on his brows.
“I was jumping around shouting ‘We’re gonnae win, we’re gonnae win’,” Reid junior recalls. “And everyone was like, ‘Shut him up’. And when we went on to get an absolute doing (it finished 4-1 to the men in gold), I got the blame!”
It is a distinctively Scottish tale that helped birth a distinctively Scottish character. At this point, let’s ask Pete Reid – Texas-based Super Lawyer and Scotland diehard – to enter the phone box, don his wig, glasses, sideburns and a kilt… and turn into his “unbiased” Scottish commentating alter-ego Allaster McKallaster.
OK, if you don’t know who Allaster McKallaster is let us help you…
… OK. And now you’ve added a few more views to the 400 million that McKallaster’s short comedy videos have accumulated since first “bursting onto the scene” in 2022 (yes, Allaster even ripped the owner of that catchphrase, Micah Richards, a new one on Gary Lineker’s The Rest is Football show).
It is no surprise that Reid’s formative experience of watching Scotland was one of the first to get the McKallaster treatment…
This is a preview of Martin Greig’s full article, published in Issue 37 of Nutmeg.
You can order your copy now to read it in full, including:
- How Pete’s dad invented the art of “Stand-up from behind the goalpost” long before open mic nights existed.
- How Reid escaped rugby at school by deliberately fumbling the ball – proving that even in childhood, he knew Scotland + egg-chasing = heartbreak.
- The birth of Allaster McKallaster via angry Scotsman phone-ins on Austin radio.
- Zico himself giving Reid the ultimate stamp of approval (cue the tears and a few celebratory deep-fried snacks).
- Ryan Reynolds sliding into his DMs like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
- The legendary “We’ll deep fry your tapas” rant – possibly the most Scottish diplomatic statement ever made.
- And, finally: the dream – Allaster McKallaster commentating on Scotland at the 2026 World Cup in the USA.
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